You can always dance

After spending the last 4 hours trying to peel up some old linoleum I needed a pick me up.  That shit is ridiculously hard to remove!

A little Chilly usually does the trick.

Giddy-up again!

So I have been considering shutting this thing down and moving my unique brand of insanity to tumblr.  The thing is I think I would miss the awesome people I have met through this here blog thingy.  So for now I am going to keep this running.

I have just signed up for this year's gay rodeo.  I am so excited to be doing it again this year.  It sounds like my family is going to come up and watch for at least one of the days.

I am in the worst shape of my life however and am very worried that all that alberta beef is going to be kicking my ass come rodeo weekend.  

Diet and intense cardio for the next 4 weeks is in my future I think.

When did I know?

Joe.My.God posted an interesting open thread today asking his followers when did they know?  Looking through the comments I was struck by how many of us knew we were different at a very young age.

It is amazing testament to humanity's hardwired social brain that children are able to figure out concepts that seem so complex at a very young age.

For me the realization that I was different came at the age of 4.  I had recently started taking swimming classes.  The swim classes were an attempt by my parents to socialize an incredibly awkward and anxious kid who really didn't like spending time with people his own age.

For me it was just another source of anxiety until I hit the lockerroom.  There was something about it that fascinated me.  The older guys changing from the gym were like aliens to me. So big, hairy and different from me.  Time and again I found myself staring at them uncontrollably.  Even back then I knew I shouldn't stare and it wasn't polite but I couldn't help myself.

Thats where Shaun (or was it Shane?) came into the picture.  He was another boy in my swim class and I was completely totally enraptured by him.  Dark hair and blue eyes is all I really remember about him.  Two traits  I don't think we said more than two words to each other the whole time we were in class.  I was too terrified of him not liking me.

Then one day towards the end of the semester I couldn't control my feelings any more and after class I ran up to my mom.  I remember saying to her that I wanted to tell Shaun thatI thought he was cute.  The look in my mom's eyes told me everything I needed to know.

I had fucked up and done something wrong.

With her lips pursed she explained with some forced cheerfulness that "Boy's do not call other boy's cute. They can say they are handsome.  You can call girls cute.  Which of the girls in your class do you think are cute?"
I don't recall my answer as it didn't matter anymore.  I was crushed.

Thats when I knew in that 30 seconds I realized that I was different and that I shouldn't be expressing my feelings in the way that felt natural to me.

This one interaction setup years of anxiety and neurosis for me.  Unlearning that one lesson was one of my more difficult trials.  This is the baggage from my childhood that I have managed to unpack and put away.  The same baggage so many of us carry.

It is amazing how somethings never change.  Big hairy guys still get my attention and I am in a relationship with a guy who's dark hair and light eyes immediately attracted me to him.

Closing the door

Almost 5 years to the day I gave up possession of the condo to new owners.   We have spent the last few days cleaning and getting things ready for the new couple.  I vastly underestimated the amount of work it would take to get things in order.

Who knew stoves had so many damn nooks and crannies!   

As we were finishing up last night I almost had an emotion or two about losing the place.  It was where I took my first steps to independence.  Where I came out to my family.  Where I fell in love with the fella. 

So much life crammed into 5 years.  Some amazing times with friends.   

I won't miss the hideous seniors home from 1988 hallway decor, having to hide the fella's pussy as we were not allowed pets,  the upstairs neighbours and the general craziness that that building seemed to attract. But I will remember all of the good times fondly.

Not only am I physically having to let go of my first home but I also am letting go of all the plans and renovation schemes I had cooked up for the place.  I think that is going to be harder than anything else.

Here is my final video tour of the place.

As a reference point here is my walkthrough from 5 years ago.  So much change and so much weight gain!!!

2012 Spring BEEF Bear Bash

The days are getting longer and warmer, what little snow that fell this year is melting, which means its time to come out of hibernation for the Spring BEEF Bear bash!
This event will be on April 14th starting at 8PM. It will be hosted by the wonderful staff at the Junction Bar and Eatery. 0242 106 Street Northwest, Edmonton, AB T5J 1H7.
We will again be supporting Youth Understanding Youth's Queer Prom. Last year we managed to raise over $1200 dollars.
All proceeds from the door are going to support the Queer Prom.
5$ Donation/Cover for non-FAB cardholders. For card holders the cover is free but we request that you donate something to support a good cause.
We should have some fun surprises in-store for attendees.
Check out the Facebook event for more details!
For those of you who have purchased FAB cards they will either be mailed out 2 weeks before the event or available at the door. Cards for 2012 are available still at beefbearbash.com

My big gay HGTV dream

It is amazing how quickly things can align.  We had been working half assedly getting the condo ready for sale and casually looking at places to purchase with our spunky realtor Lorene.

Imagine Endna Mode with a pixie cut and a winter jacket and thats how I see Lorene.  

We had narrowed down our search to a couple of properties.  One was an amazing townhouse with two huge patios in brand new condition but at the very top of our budget.  The other was another townhouse without any real outside space.  It looked a bit like a 1980's dream home.  It had not been updated since it was built in 1991.  We are talking brass fixtures and some really dated finishes.  But it was far more affordable and had been on the market for about 10 months so there was room to negotiate.

The problem was we were at least 3 weeks away from being able to list my condo.  I had plans to reno the kitchen replacing the countertops tile and sink additionally we were going to install new closet doors in both of the bedrooms.  

Lorene was not about to let the realties of time and space however slow down the potential for closing 2 deals in rapid succession.  She had a co-worker who had two clients who were super interested in my place and wanted to see it despite it not being even close to being renovated. 

Monday the 13th she finally convinced me to let them see the place on that Wednesday.

You see I had been planning for 5 years to eventually list this place.  I have sunk countless hours of sweat equity into making sure I had optimized the finishes to maximize the return on investment.  I have dinned on a steady diet of HGTV, home improvement, staging, home sales and every other damn show about real estate. 

I think every homo worth his lube has a secret  super gay dream.  The fabulous wedding the amazing dinner party the sexcation of a lifetime.  Mine involved thinking up listing descriptions and planning the glamour shots that would make everyone fall in love with my place.

Lorene's plan was robbing me of all of this.   2 nights were hardly enough to achieve my dream listing and return on investment.

Unwilling to have my dream foiled (and my ideal sale price).  I jumped into action.  All those years of watching my Baba (Grandma for those non-bohunks out there) gossip on the phone lines must have come in handy because I managed to mobilize a team and come up with a plan to get the place ready for sale in 2 days.

The fella got us a storage unit to put all of our extra crap.  My mom and baba came over to help with cleaning and while they were working I started pulling things out of the closets to be sent into storage.  

After the ladies went home the fella and I decided we should do at least one wall of tile in the kitchen.  So at 10 pm we started peeling off tile from the walls as quietly as possible.  We managed to get one wall done enough to give a good impression of what the finished product would look like.

Day 2 was filled with painting the kitchen more cleaning.  Paint touchups around the rest of the place and 2 car loads of stuff to the storage unit.  By the end everything looked great.  I stayed up till almost 3 scrubbing the floor.

One of the things you don't realize about yourself until you have to live in a staged home is that  no matter how clean you are, your a disgusting slob who should never touch anything anywhere ever.  It took me almost 40 minutes longer to leave for work Wednesday morning.  

After the bed was made (after 4 tried) lights were lit bathroom cleaned and floors swept I was pretty damn happy with the final result.

The couple must have been happy as well as they immediately put an offer in.  After some negotiation we came to a price we could agree on.   Shortly thereafter we had negotiated an agreement on the 80's townhouse dream home.  All said it took less than 6 hours for everything to be done.

I have waited to post about this because condition removal was the 27th on the condo and the 28th on the townhouse.  I have watched enough property virgins to know that deals can fall apart at any time.  

Conditions have been removed on both locations and while my fantasy HGTV property deal didn't exactly happen as I had planned it I am so fucking excited to be leaving this place and moving on to the next chapter of my life with the fella.

Who needs marriage when you have 30 years of crushing debt to bind you.  It is going to great!

We move on the 23rd.

Change is coming

Hi blog.  I have missed you.  Things have been really intense the last 6 months.  Lots of hard work, lots of wasted work but overall it has been very rewarding.

I have seen things coming and knew that Feb to April was going to be a time of big changes.

I have had my priorities shifted at work and we are making some amazing progress.  It is so awesome to finally be working on the stuff that I have wanted to be doing for the last 6 years.  Its not even close to perfect but its better and I am happy with that.

We have some high profile retirements coming up in that time frame and are looking at moving office spaces changing  and my position as well, so it is looking like a not just a reboot but a total re-imagining of the company is going to be happening very soon and I could not be happier about it.

The fella and I have been working on getting the condo ready for sale and looking at some townhouses to move into.  We would love the extra space and the things it would allow us to do.

Good things are happening and I am going to be back here more regularly to talk about them.