Monday, October 29, 2007

"Because I REALLY can't go to jail dressed like this"

It was a hell of a good weekend. Like most North American gay men i spent this last weekend doing Halloween type activities. This was the first year in a long time however that I did not go to the gaybar (which is almost always a huge disappointment anyway).

This year I went with Greg to the annual Halloween season premier of Oh Susanna! at the varscona! Oh Susanna! is a talk show run by Edmonton's sassiest and most lovable drag queen.

The show was great. I laughed till I cried. My favorite line happened at the beginning when Susanna asked the audience to please not drink if they were underage "Because I REALLY can't go to jail dressed like this" and she gestures down to her outrageous dominatrix outfit complete with gigantic bare plastic cleavage.

Of course no Halloween would be complete without some sort of socially awkward situation. My ex was there with his partner Wes. I am still not sure why things were awkward but they still are. At least there wasn't a repeat of his performance on Halloween a few years ago where Geoff almost had to restrain him.

Progress and regression the story of my life.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Well it is a start

I went to my parent's place today for dinner. My Mom took me shopping after.

Mom starts christmas ornament shopping in mid septemeber. She took me to get some ornaments for my hand me down tree. I think at this point things between my mother and I are good. I am a bit worried however that the only way she can relate to me since coming out is when she is shopping with me. Its almost like when we are doing that she can forget about the rest of whats going on.

Its a start and I'm not going to complain about the getting of free stuff. I just wish she could move past this awkward phase that she is in.

Microsoft can go fist itself

A few months ago my computer did one of those wonderful automatic windows updates (despite the fact that I have them set to ask to be installed). This update somehow makes it so that microsft applications like Office 2003, Office 2007 and others could not open up links if the default browser was Firefox. Leave it to mirosoft to purposley try and prevent people from using other non-shitty software on a windows system. Makes me yearn for a more user friendly linux system (depsite claims that these systems exist I have yet to find one that doesn't require some command line bullshit).
The links would occasionally open but not until after an error message pops up.
General failure. The URL was: "". The system cannot find the file specified.
This error would also occasionally crash my outlook or explorer.exe. Searches on google turned up some standard fixes. Reinstall firefox, office and even windows xp.

None of these things work. I know because I tried it. Eventually after digging through the comments section on another blog I found this link to a knowledgebase article that fixes the problem. Ill post the fix here as well for those lazy clinkers.

File Types edit

(In Windows XP and Windows 2000)

  1. Open Windows Explorer (or My Computer).
  2. Go to Tools -> Folder Options -> File Types
  3. Select Extension: "(NONE)" File Type: "URL:HyperText Transfer Protocol"
  4. Click "Advanced". In the "Edit File Type" window, select "open" and click "Edit"
  5. Uncheck "Use DDE" (the dialog should then hide the lower part).
  6. Click OK for that dialog and the next one (afterwards, the "Use DDE" box is still checked but the "DDE Message" box will be cleared, as shown here)
  7. Repeat for Extension: "(NONE)" File Type: "URL:HyperText Transfer Protocol with Privacy" (and any other protocols you want to fix)
  8. Repeat for Extension: "(NONE)" File Type: "Firefox URL"
  9. Repeat for Extension: "HTM" (or "HTML") File Type: "Firefox Document"

Monday, October 22, 2007

Goodbye sun hello moon

For Canadians living through winter is a right of passage (less so for those in BC but whatever). Every fall we gear up and prepare ourselves physically and mentally for the coming 6 months of icy cold.

For the most part I can handle the cold and the snow and the icy roads. For me the hardest part about winter is the lack of sun. It gets so bad at points that its pitch black when you wake up to go to work and pitch black when you head home. There were semesters in University that I didn't see the sun all week except in passing glances through hallway windows.

The past few weeks I have been waking up to the most glorious skies of pink and purple. Today however it was dark. I am going to miss the sunrises.

I guess I am thinking about this more than usual because Greg and I went and saw "0 days of night". It was scary, gory, fun and well written. Probably the best vampire movie i have seen.

The story is about an isolated town in Alaska that for 30 days out of they year there is no sun. Vampires figure this is a pretty good deal for them and proceed to massacre the town. It was a dark movie and damn did it feel cold with all the snow.

I am not ready for winter.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

It won't get easier...

This has been a bit of a crazy week. On monday it was my brother's birthday and yesterday it was my Mom's. She classically pulled the ultimate guilt trip on me by saying that all she wanted for her birthday was for her son to come home and have dinner with her.

Now normally I am all over a free meal. But for Mom's birthday she gets Kentucky fried chicken. I think KFC belongs on the list of things better served to dogs or small rodents. It does have its uses however there have been a few hangovers in my lifetime that have required the dirty bird medicine. These thankfully are few and far between.

I did go last night and I am currently still suffering from it. Oh lord why couldn't i be a vegetarian?! It isn't helping that i am suffering from a hell bad cold right now either.

We went shopping just the two of us afterwards. It was the first time we have really been able to talk face to face about me being gay since i have come out. She started out reminiscing about when we were all young and things were simpler. She said its been a tough year for her with Vanessa (my brothers girlfriend) moving to Europe for 8 months, me moving out and then coming out and Justin's cats making a mess of the place. I was trying to be sympathetic she kept talking about how hard it has been. For me however it has been a great year filled with positive changes and learning experiences.

She told me that I couldn't come out to the family yet as they were not ready. I explained to her that 1. They will never really be ready 2. I set my own time lines and will do it when I am ready 3. I am done investing my time in worrying about what others think about me being gay and if they have issue with it that is there issue.

She asked if i would want to go back to simpler times and i emphatically said no. Sure it is more work now but there are so many rewards for it. I didn't stop to think for a moment that she probably meant going back to before I was out to her. She hoped things would get easier. I immediately said that they wouldn't.

Thats just not the way the world works.

I probably should have lied and told her it would.

Friday, October 12, 2007

I just witnessed Wii mania

Edmonton has been sold out of Wii's for a while now. The adorable little machines are harder to find than the pair of glasses i lost on my birthday.

The Wal Mart's here received a shipment of them in today. (You know its desperate when I am willing to shop at a soul sucking Wal Mart I haven't been in one for over a year).

I called at 12:30 and one about 20 min away had four. I hopped in my VP's car and madly drove over. I get there in less than 20 minutes. There are two left. One is being held by an associate who is talking to this old woman who isn't sure it is what she wants. I ask the associate for a Wii he hands me the one he is holding and continues to talk to the woman.

I rush to the till with my Wii and as I am paying 4 separate people come in and try and take the Wii from the old lady. I thought for a bit they were going to have to call security as people started arguing. I quietly slipped out with my prize in hand.

It is about time!

Last night my dreams were calm and forgettable. Thank goodness!

I found out today that Edmonton is having a Queer art and culture festival at the end of November.

Exposure: Edmonton's Queer Arts and Culture Festival
is something I have been waiting for in this city for a looong time. Edmonton has such a vibrant arts scene that I am surprised something like this hasn't happened sooner. For a while now I have been quietly bemoaning the lack of gay socialization options that didn't involve the bar or support groups.

I can't wait to check this all out! Gay improv should be fucking awesome.

On an unrelated note I am so damn excited about this weekend it is not even funny!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I stand corrected

I am bad at math.
Horrible at math in fact. Math was the only subject in highschool that I did not get honours in. I have failed every single math final i have written since 1997. Usually my in class work was good enough to get me through. Honestly however I thought that once I graduated highschool i would be done with the subject forever.

Flash forward 5 glorious math free years. I am smugly comfortable in my anti math world. This happy place is shattered however when i find out that in order to get my second degree I need to take calculus.

I am placed in a class of 300 18 year olds fresh out of highschool who have taken a more advanced curriculum than I did 5 years ago. The odds to say the least were stacked against me accomplishing anything but an embarrassment in the class.

The course to say the least was a massacre. It becomes the first class I have ever taken that I fail. I vividly remember walking into the final (worth 60% of my mark) and having a complete black out. I sat for the required hour filling in the odd place where i could remember some morsel of numeric bullshit. Part marks was my motto!

I took the course again the next semester. This time the teacher was much better, as was my lab instructor. I bombed the final again but this time to a much lesser extent. I survive with a c- (the only c- i have ever gotten).

Math was my one real academic stressor and since I finished university in December it periodically haunts me just to remind me of its power.

As some of you know I have been having really random sometimes scary dreams the last week or so. I previously thought the most scary thing a man can dream of is loosing one's penis (see the post below). I was wrong
So very very wrong.

For the third time since I have received my degree i have had a vivid dream about having to go back to University because I have never really finished my math class and thus can not graduate. Last night's version of this dream was the worst one yet.

Its funny how nightmares can play on the smallest tidbits of insecurity and anxiety from your past. I would settle for the boogey man or Freddy Krueger just so long as it isn't related to math.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Minus 1 penis

Last night i i had a dream where I went to the Doctor for some minor surgery. I woke up to find that he had given me a sex change operation instead. Walking around for a bit with a vagjayjay was very wierd.
Needless to say a lawsuit ensued...

After that I didn't really sleep well, go figure that loosing one's penis is one of the scariest dreams one can have.

I need to really stop snacking before going to bed

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Feeling human

It took a week but i finally feel like real people again. It's amazing how long a hangover can really last. My birthday party was excellent. Lots of people everyone who went said they had a blast from what they could remember...

I orginally was going to have a handful of people over at the condo for those that didn't feel comfortable partying at the gay bar. That however turned into 35 people in the condo and never making it to the roost (which pissed off a bunch of people but I had my reasons for missing it).

This was my first real unified birthday party. In years before I would do my straighter group of friends on Friday and the more alternative group on Saturday at the roost. While the two party system lead to twice the party time, It also meant that Saturday i was usually grumpy and hungover from the night before.

Having everyone at one big bash was a ton of fun. There was randomness and moments galore. I think it was educational for both groups of friends that came.

The last group left the condo around 11:30 to head to the bar. We stopped at "Boots" which is an older gay bar that a friend used to work at. After numerous free shots from the owners i decided to go out the back door for "some air". I admit i was drunk and distracted and I failed to notice the bottom step on the concrete stairs was half broken off. I remember that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you step into thin air.

That feeling is the last thing I recall clearly.

Based on others fuzzy recollections of the night apparently Greg found me in the alley flat on my face bleeding profusely from a cut on my chin.

After some alone time behind a dumpster where i decided to get rid of what my body deemed to be excess tequila. We decided it was time to go back to the condo.

I woke up the next day and my face hurt and everything was covered in blood. I was lucky i didn't break my jaw or my nose.
I wonder how much longer i can use the excuse that I am young and stupid....

Here are some photos from the night plus one from my family party the night before:

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

What Darkness lurks...

Today was supposed to be the day for sharing birthday pictures and stories. More pressing things have come up however. I just found out that a acquaintance from my university days committed suicide last week.

We met initially in my days at Grant McEwan. He was in my philosophy class and I had a gigantic crush on him. There was something about his curly hair and wit that made him by far the most interesting thing to come out of a philosophy class. Over the years we bumped into each other fairly frequently as we shared some mutual friends through the fraternity. We shared a common love of mocking frat boys and as it turns out we shared a love of men as well. He was one of the few people I could openly talk about sexuality and being gay before I could even tell my closest friends. But R. was like that he had a way of getting to the truths of things. I will always remember him making his rounds at the powerplant sliding up beside my very straight friend Tim whom he loved making feel awkward.

R. was someone I looked up to, and laughed with for years. He was everything I wasn't; tall, mature, independent, literate, trendy and damn cool. He lived his life with this hunger for experience that I will never forget. It seems unthinkable now that someone who left such a positive mark on so many people.

I will always wonder what private pain what personal turmoil existed behind that well put together mask that made up R.? What did i really know of him? What could have led him off that bridge?

I will miss our random encounters and adventures dude. I hope you are happy wherever you land.