Friday, November 30, 2007

Weird feelings

I feel off today. I took today off of work in order to get a bunch of stuff done. I haven't been as productive as I had hoped.

Heres a wicked cool weirdly awesome music vid by Bats for Lashes that i stole from ...that's fucking dynamite

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Sound the trumpets. Tear down the walls

The CBC just released an article saying what a lot of us had known for quite some time. That HIV is on the rise in gay men in developed countries. Now they point to a lot of things as the cause for this rapid increase:
- Complacency about the mortality of HIV due to a large number of treatments
- The decline of the activist queer culture
- The fact that many do not know their current HIV status
- The fact that the safe sex campaigns are stale and no longer resonate as they used to

I think all of these things are pretty valid I think however they have missed two big things that are contributing to the increase.

1. The fact that many new infections are occurring in the younger gay males have no experience with the tragedy that comes with HIV. I am a part of this group of young gays who likely have not even (knowingly) met someone who is battling it. I know what I know through reading some of the many gay blogs out there. Joe.my.god and mOOnchild come to mind. Check them out they both write passionately and emotionally on the subject.

This contributes to a general sense of invincibility that "that couldn't happen to me" mentality that is so common in youth. Without a personal experience to induce fear risky behaviour is increasingly likely.

2. The most dangerous cause however is the proliferation of Bareback/unsafe pornography. The fetishising of dangerous behaviour by porn companies has made it seem "hot" or somehow more intimate to engage in unsafe sex. The fact that this type of porn is becoming increasingly popular and available indicates that there is big business machinery that is profiting off of this (I argue however that there has always been businesses profiting off of HIV). Even in the few years since i have come out there seems to be an increasing amounts of arguments (all of them pretty bad) for unsafe sex.

What is to be done? I would like to say that the new generation of gay men should become more active in the promotion of safe sex both in their personal sex lives and in the lives of others. I know this won't happen only because I know that people are unlikely to get involved unless it directly affects them. Unfortunately is see a future where the incidents of HIV infection increase slowly year by year until there is a tipping point where the collective tragedy of what is occurring to our patchwork community starts to directly affect the younger generation as it did in the 80's with our predecessors.

I think this may be a horrifically cyclical process that will continue on as long as there is a separation be it cultural or shallow between the older and the younger generation of gay men. For some reason the chasm between these two groups seems so large due to a lack of communication and the youth centric culture that is eating the soul from mainstream queer culture.

My solution is tear down the generational walls. Get emotionally involved and listen to what the people who came before us lived through and are living through now. Without knowing our history we are doomed to repeat it.

Mmmm Mixed Nuts

Thanks everyone for the hangover cure tips. I will for sure be using them this Sunday when I am recovering from Darcy's gigantic birthday bash. Expect debauchery galore. I do find however the best solution for my hangovers always seems to be a big mac and some chicken nuggets. If find that weird because McDonald's always seems to make me sick any other time (which is why i avoid it like I avoid that one LRT train that always smells like urine).

The Edmonton Exposure Festival is underway this week. Yay for queer culture! I am definitely going to the gay improv/festival mixer at the roost on Thursday and the gallery for the Bent art show on the weekend sometime.

Is anyone else bothered by how the Christmas season seemed to start 3 weeks ago? In my opinion the season should start on December 1st. Maybe its just in my family but I have noticed that I am already feeling burnt out by it. Damn that burning log/Xmas carol channel.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Shake your groove thang!

Man this song fucking rocks:
Shinichi Osawa(Feat. Au Revoir Simone) | Star Guitar

Still young enough to do something young and stupid

After putting up my Baba's Christmas decorations Ryan, Anna, Nathan and I went out for some pints.

We got home late.

I was still drunk when i woke up this morning.

Work has been brutal.

That is all

Monday, November 19, 2007

Trying to stop associating with my disassociation

I don't know why but the few months I have been feeling strangely disassociated from myself and from others. Sometimes its as if I feel like I am looking in or looking down on myself. I can see myself slipping further away from things and people that should be in my life. Its nothing extreme.

I am not in some sort of depressed spiral. I just for whatever reason am not feeling things as intensely as I used to. I used to get so stressed out about work, relationships and boys. After the last batch of disappointing men and work stress I somehow managed to shut off the little obsessive compulsive voice in my head that stressed me out.

I sometimes wonder if i shut everything else down with it.

I need to rekindle the fire that makes me me.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Now thats a tragedy

I don't know when or why it happend but somehow in the last few months i became a reality TV manbitch.

Between :
"A shot at love" (exploitative and horrible)
"America's next top model" (repetitive, staged and horrible)
"Project Runway Canada" (repetive and horrific, Iman is the worst host ever)

I really need to get a life.

In other news I am managing to work out and not pig out so I am feeling better about myself as a whole.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

mmmm bush

Went up to Darren's home in the middle of nowhere this weekend for a BBQ/ hottub party. He owns 80 acres and a beutiful log cabin. We ate (Darren is a kick ass cook), we drank we partied in the hottub, there was random nudity, quads and people hooking up.

Thats pretty much a checklist for a good party.
I did see somethings that I had never even fathomed was possible.

I saw not one but TWO people snort Jack Daniels up their nose.
I saw a naked twink wear a very confused scottish terrier as a shawl/scarf.
People doing shots of absyinthe at 9 am.

It was all fucked up in the best way.

NAAAAAAAAA!

Friday, November 09, 2007

History of an addict

My name is Aaron and I am a food addict.

I am not entirely sure how it happend. I don't remeber being like ny whole life. Even up to a few years ago I was able to easily regiment my diet.

I suppose I had all the precursers in place to set up my addiction. A large Ukrainian family whos soical activities surrounded food. Heaping plates of perogies, cabbage rolls, potatoes and chicken all drenched in thick farm cream. Constant complaints from relatives that I "looked skinny and should eat, eat EAT!" (said with a thick slavic accent to boot). I was also always taught never to leave food on my plate to go to waste. Even when I was stuffed I remeber shoving down more more more.

With all these environmental factors I could easily blame others for my current situation. Ultimately the blame rests clearly on my chubby little shoulders. Three little words that started my spiral into food addiction:
"I Deserve It"

This includes all the other variations and permutations of that statement. I suppose that using it started during my lengthy university studies. Stressed and looking for some way to motivate myself I started to use food as rewards. This evolved into stress eating, which begat celebratory eating, which begat depressed eating.

I turn to food now regardless of my emotional state. I watch the food network all the time now. Not just for the recipes but somehow just watching the delicious food gives me some sort of psychic joy.

Last night after 3 days of sensible eating and almost a week of pseudo dieting i gorged myself on nacho chips. I wasn't even hungry. The binge made me feel icky all night.

I have to rediscover my self control or else I am going to end up like my uncle who is almost 300 pounds and on his second heart.

I'm going to start saying "i don't need it" more.
I hope.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Thank you George Bush, no really i mean it

Well i know people bad mouth the guy a lot and he deserves it. I would like to thank good Ole bushy for cratering the US economy soo bad. The plunging greenback combined with a hot Canadian economy has caused the Canadian dollar to increase in value over 60% in the last few years.

I actually had a sociology professor predict this waaay back in 2001 yet still I never really believed i would see the Canadian dollar rise to $1.10 US.

On Friday i reaped the benefits of this economic situation.

I sauntered up to the till of my local comic book store with a large stack in my hand. Now normally this would set me back about 30 to 40 bucks. I was shocked when the bill came to 23 bucks and change. Apparently now they are selling comics and books at the much lower US price.

This timing is perfect because I was just about to have to cut back on my monthly reading list due to budgetary constraints. So thank you George for being such a royal fuck up.

I'm gonna go geek out now.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Progress

After a great weekend with the Fella I felt it was time to start being more active. My eyes are better my nose is not drippy and my throat is only kind of sore. Time to start building up my strength and immunity.

Lucas got me down to the Kinsmen leasiure center today for some working out. We met up with Myckie and Mark (who i have not seen in forever). We had a great time.

Lucas was a huge help in getting me motivated and in the right spot to start working out. Its wierd talking to him now he is so calm clear and focused. Its like talking to a zen master.

I guess living in the bush in a camp reading spirtual books and self help stuff really can be good for the soul.

I am definitly going to commit to being healthier. I feel like I can do it this time.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Anyone have the number of that truck

Last week i got home from shopping and noticed my eyes were dry. This temporary annoyance has turned into a full blown case of conjunctivitis also known ever soo classily as pink eye. I want to scrape out my eyes out with spoons at this point. They are soo itchy and red.

It feels like my body is rejecting me the last while as my throat is still sore from a cold i got a few weeks ago.

Other things like work are running me down but rather than bore you allw ith the details i shall sum it up with this:

BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH

There i feel better somehow. Plus 30 Rock is on tonight and Greg is coming to visit me tommorow. YAY