Sunday, July 20, 2008

In the land of the well fed and mildly insane.

I am writing this post at my families cabin. I am here getting ready to celebrate my Baba’s (grandma) big birthday. My family is a bit of a complicated bunch. Similar in their neuroses and hubris to me but in some ways completely different.

I see myself reflected in them and I am worried by what I see. Anxiety depression and food addiction combined with varying degrees of self loathing and a need to escape the family unit.

I have pretty much escaped the overbearing clutches of my very close knit family. “They suffocate because they care” should be on our family crest. Living in the city has afforded me a comfortable amount of distance and independence from the tribe. Not all of my relatives that shish to escape are that fortunate.

I feel i finally have the distance, and thanks to my no booze or good food anti ulcer diet, the clarity to see this family for what it is. So many of them are trying to live the lives that will make everyone else happy and I can see it is draining the life from some of them.

Long ago I realized that I had to stop living my life for my family. I had to put my happiness above theirs (which is very hard when you are brought up believing that family is everything). I have had two relatives in the last 4 hours vent to me about how living up to the families standards is causing them problems.

I couldn't provide them with much advice but i did say that making the conscious decision to live my life my way was the most freeing experience of my whole life.

I am blessed to have my family and thankful for the clarity to realize that being in the tribe doesn’t mean that my life and my happiness should ever be put at risk for it.

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