Friday, January 16, 2009

Webcrimes: Case 5 The case of Free Face

There are some crimes that stand apart not only because of the horrific outdated design but because the design so clearly reflects the personality of the owner. It's like when you walk into a guy's house and he has nothing but miniature unicorn statues and doilies and you think hmmmm you know what that fits him perfectly.

So without further delay I present to you the first case that made me almost gag (not an easy task). It represents so many levels of wrong from design to color choice, to dancing gifs, to creepy gag factor to overall concept.

This site can only be described as a goldmine of horror.

The case of Free Face:

In particular I am going to be haunted by this dancing gif for many years to come:

Here are some choice quotes from the site:

To all of the beautiful, single women in and around Louisville:

This page is for you. I am a man whose favorite thing to do is give oral sex to attractive young women. I love it and enjoy pleasing the women that I know and meet. I know that every woman is different, and I have been out of practice for a while. Since every woman is different in her wants and needs, I am offering FREE ORAL SEX to any woman who qualifies that e-mails me or signs up. No matter how good I may have been told that I am at my hobby, I know that everyone needs to constantly practice at anything they take pride in doing. This site is designed with the women of Louisville in mind. I need some partners to practice with and women who will give honest feedback to any services I perform for them, so that I will be able to hone my skills.

Other Information

Favorite Holiday: Halloween

Occupation: Student and College Math Tutor

IQ Test Scores: Range from 132 - 163--Avg. = 154

Relational Status : Single

Degrees Attained: Associates Degree in Accounting; Associates Degree in Science

Hobbies: Weightlifting, Giving Massages, Giving Oral Sex to Attractive Females, Reading, Intelligence Puzzles, Nature, Vampires, the Gothic Scene, Video Games, and Religions that Employ the use of Magick

Collections: Transformers (the toys), Swords & Medieval weaponry (temporarily out of my possession.

I fucking love this temporary part like what were they confiscated or some thing? I know this is a matter of taste but putting your IQ test online is kind of tacky and besides who is so self important that they have had enough IQ exams to actually have an average?

You should really visit this site it is amazing.

I am rather please that I managed to do this while post without one pussy joke. Yay me!


Luis Blasini said...

Damn! The things Steve Buscemi does when he's not acting!

Ruby said...

This is just too funny, Aaron. Where do you find these things?

Btw, for someone with such a high IQ, he should have realized that taking the test over and over again destroys its validity. And that listing his collections (including confiscated ones) will probably not help him in his pursuit.

Greg said...

Favorite quote: "Also, I will not go down on anyone who is on the rag unless we are dating." At least he has his standards.

Aaron said...

LMAO Luis that made me giggle for like 5 min. I didn't even pick up on the resemblance before!