Monday, April 11, 2011

Lost without a muse

Things are still going well for me.  I have been working on my website for my company and trying to figure out how to present what I do.  I am running into a road block because much of the services I am offering I don't have professional credentials for. 

I have always been a bit of a journeyman picking up skills as I needed depending on the project.  Need to learn flash action script over the course of a week? Done! Need to learn how to do advance effects for a video project that has to be done in a few days? Done!  My whole career reads like a list of crazy demands and deadlines.

I have always prided myself on my ability to pick up new skills and abilities.  In my mind with hard work and the internet almost any skill can be acquired.  The problem is I never get a chance to master any of it. 

A though has been lurking between coherent thoughts.  Its like that thing you see out of the corner of your eye and when you turn to look at it it is gone.

I was watching an online illustrator tutorial and it blew me away how well the guy played the software like a piano.  An orchestra of skill creating some fantastic graphics.  He did things that I never even knew was possible.  It made me feel like a rank amateur.

Suddenly that had been hiding on my periphery for so long burst forward.

I have a hell of a lot to learn if I am going to make a living doing any of the things I have been planning.

I am really good at a lot of technical things but being self taught means I am doing so much the hard way or worse the wrong way.  I always felt that technology could be the bridge between raw talent and mastery.  I think maybe in 10 years that may be the case but today for me the divide seems to be growing in every area I try to work in.

Part of it is my own professional ADD.  I never stick with projects long enough to finish them.  The justanotherepicfable site has been a project for 10 years at least and I am no closer to releasing new material today than I was 5 years ago.  I used to draw almost every day and today I couldn't even manage to draw a nose.  I have been using technology as a lazy excuse for not practicing and that won't work anymore. 

I have been pondering taking an online course or two to help me master some of these handyman skills.  Or maybe even taking a few legitimate programming courses so I can start tying together my creative skills with my business plan. 

Back when I was young a lot of my creativity was a driving mechanism to help me escape how unhappy I was.  Now that I am happy I need to figure out a way to ignite the flame without making myself miserable again.

For now I am going to try and draw something every day on paper so I can start building up my artistic ability again.  I need to rediscover my style.  

1 comment:

Allan S. said...

Bravo papito! You are doing the necessary internal work that will make you successful. I admire how self-reflective you are and that you are always striving to be honest with yourself. Echa Palante - Move Forward.