Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Down the rabbit hole

Things are a bit weird for me right now.  After winning the battle with my anxiety for so long I can feel it creeping back up into my day to day life. 

Its small things taken separately would be un-noticable.  Each one a small chip in my armour that I use to get through life.  Little things like:
  • Having to go back and check to see if I locked the front door or closed the patio door.
  • Partying too hard and ignoring my own limits.
  • Trouble sleeping.
  • Imaginary illnesses.  I keep worrying my eyes are getting infected to the point where I was carrying around polysporin eye drops (not to use but "just in case" just to make me feel better).
  • General short temperedness.
  • Random talking to myself (this is the worst one and can be so embarrassing). 
  • Additionally my stutter seems to be popping up more and more.
There has been a lot happening in my life.  Fighting with my neighbours, the bear party fund raiser, crazy work adding on a ton of responsibilities, home renos, mexico trip disasters and weddings are all starting to weigh me down. 

I don't know how much of this is related to the jellyfish venom.  I do know it messed up my body significantly for a little bit.  I just know I am slipping a bit back to how I was in university.  It is not a good feeling.  

I am not sure what I can do get back on solid ground.  I am hoping working out more will help and some r & r this weekend.   Greg has been so good about it and I really don't want him to have to put up with a super anxious ocd boyfriend for much longer.

2 comments:

Reneé said...

Try breathing meditation.

Allan S. said...

Amen to Renee's recommendation. Also, look into creating a short daily mantra that sets you in the right head space for the day.

Mine is:

"Thank you god for another day. I know I'm blessed and miracles happen everyday."